Checkerboard and Pizza Dice

Well, hello everybody! It's Tomás at Large, summer edition, because over here in my neck of the woods, summer vacation started a considerable two or three weeks ago  and we're all soaking up the sun (or the A/C) as we enjoy our brief respite from the daily stress of school. I've personally been spending lots of my time editing the documentary I began earlier this year, heretofore titled, "The Sophomore Slump". I've restarted the editing process more than three times, and with editing comes a lot of frustration (especially considering I had to run out and buy a new fan/heatsink for my machine) that eventually leads up to those amazing, happiness-inducing bursts of creativity where you find yourself editing for hours when you thought you'd only spent a few minutes.

Editing, like many art forms, is one of those things in life that requires full devotion and concentration. When you're editing something, be it a feature length film or a 30 second TV spot, you need to completely envelop yourself in both the creative process, and the world of the production you're splicing and cutting. In other words, you need to be a part of the film or video as much as the actors are. So if you're editing a horror movie, you're going to become entrenched in the fear of the innocent Valley Forge girl as she unwittingly creeps into the house, only to be attacked by the mask-wearing, knife-wielding hockey player bad guy. If you're editing a documentary, you're going to become a part of the bad situation it addresses, or the cause it's advocating. And here I am, editing a documentary that's essentially about myself.

It's about teenagers, about school life, about what teenagers think about, what they say, what they do in class, what "drama" they get themselves in, what they think about their teachers, their relationships, high school. To top it off, all the main interviewees are some of my best friends (yes; I suppose the documentary is biased in this respect, but I'll explain more about this in a later blog post). So I can't help but think and rethink and think again about what they're saying.

When Jeannie says, "middle school, you're walking around and your drama is like, 'oh my god, she hates me'; in high school, it's like 'oh my god, she fucked him", I can't help but think about all the rumors one kid supposedly spread about his girlfriend.

When Chris says, "high school's high school; [for some] it's a prison, [for others] it's the next step before college", I can't help but think about the numerous amounts of times I've heard some of my friends say they hated coming to school.

When Yero ARMANDO Lopez says, "it's ... your prime, like you just want to, like, turn Super-Saiyan right quick; just wanna, ugh ... get bitches!" I can't help but think about ... about ...

see, that's where I'm stumped. The reason why there's a whole section in the documentary devoted to the interviewees and related B-roll talking about relationships and teenage romance, is because it's undoubtedly a big part of teenage life, right? As an editor, as a screenwriter, one knows the things a movie has to have for it to be complete. If I were writing a James Bond film, it'd be dumb not to include some attractive femme fatales to serve as the Bond girls.

Well, when I was thinking about what I had to show about teenagers to make the concept clear, I knew, without a doubt, that relationships would be one of the many things I had to show. In fact, that was probably the first thing I thought about.

From film screenwriter, I transform to audience member and as I watch the same edit for the 573rd time, I'm trying to grasp the thoughts teenagers have about this relationship business. And there's still one thing I really don't understand, and considering it's frustrated my existence for a while - long before this documentary even began - I figure it's worthy of an open Blogger question.

More than two years ago, I met one of my old best friends - let's call him Checkerboard. At about the same time, I met another friend of mine - let's call him Pizza Dice. I was, of course, much younger and terribly more naive back then, and these guys had understanding of things way beyond what my innocent mind could grasp at the time.

One of them was a well-rooted attitude towards girls and relationships. At the time, I was in a relationship, but when I asked the girl out, I did it more out of the novelty of having a girlfriend, rather than really needing someone. Now, don't take me wrong - my relationship with her turned out to be one of the most spiritually uplifting and utterly wonderful friendships I'll ever remember - but the truth is that at the time, I saw it as something cool because the grown-ups did it, not because I needed a partner.

Checkerboard and Pizza Dice were different - they were leap-years ahead of me in this respect; they'd grown enough to be able to want someone that way. Regardless, they often talked about girls in ways that - at the time - I found less than honorable. "Dude, she's so hot"; "dude, I bet that guy's made out with her like crazy" ; "dude, OMG, look at her ass" . Being as naive as I was, I dismissed these comments as derogatory and disrespectful, and instantly shot down my friends when they said them. But in reality, they were doing nothing wrong. Sure, the comments were most likely guided by hormonal instabilities, but they weren't without their moral equivalent. In other words, Checkerboard and Pizza Dice said these things in truth, but they still knew to respect girls and talk to them nicely and all that. What they had was an extra bit of braveness and maturity that allowed them to be playful this way, and be able to express their true opinions about girl's physical attributes without shame. I couldn't handle this amount of maturity at the time, and so my defense mechanisms said to ignore it and call it wrong.

But the truth is, I'm falling into that trap now (well it's not really a trap, but I guess it's a nice way to put it). I go around looking at my friends on Facebook (on the NEWS FEED only; I'm no stalker) and I realize, when I look at some of my female friends (which I oddly have a ginormous amount of) how I find myself saying those same comments in my head when I see their profile pictures. Or, how when I go to parties or the mall or any form of social gathering that isn't a dick-fest, how I see myself looking at hot girls in the hallways and saying the same things.

Now is when my "maturity" has allowed shameless admittance of such things to be possible, but now is too late! When I talk to my friends about how hot this girl is, or how lucky that other dude is to be *&#^$'in that chick, the conversations are short and do not allow for my newfound maturity to have its support base. In other words, those shameless comments Checkerboard and Pizza Dice used to say are now replaced by honest emotional cries of necessity for a special someone.

And trust me, I have that too - I also want a girlfriend, not just for a #*$& buddy, but really because I want someone to share special moments with, someone to talk to about my newest computer hacking project - but that earlier stage of physiological need, which was hidden and prohibited from coming out way back when, has now been set loose without that support base that Checkerboard and Pizza Dice could've provided back then! I have no brothers in arms to join with when I'm strolling around the mall looking at hot chicks, or when I'm at a JAMA party sitting down sipping on a Sunkist whilst checking out the new arrivals! In Freudian fashion, I'm regressing to a previous stage of hormonal development that never developed properly!

Or am I thinking too much? Will attending one of those crazy beach parties help? I want y'all to help me understand this, to understand myself. Maybe Checkerboard and Pizza Dice will help out. Thanks, guys. I think some time playing Metal Gear Solid is well overdue by now. 'Til next time, folks.

Checkerboard and Pizza Dice

Thoughts During Summer - Pt. 1

2:52 AM, my room. 

It's in moments of great inactivity, it seems, that one has their brightest, and deadliest, ideas. Last summer, my boredom was enough to catalyze what would've otherwise been a disastrous break-up between me and two of the best friends I've had to date.

This summer, my excitement is enough to keep me awake during moments of inactivity. Excitement about what? Well, about everything I could do that needs doing.

A documentary titled "the Sophomore Slump", that needs to be finished (I'll be resuming work this weekend when I get a new heatsink/fan for my heat-inducing CPU), a Russian exchange student I could be spending time with, a Chili's or McDonald's tea party I could be hosting, PSP and PS2 games I could be playing (halted at the moment by a 2GB Memory Stick on the PSP - I need at least a 16GB to be able to store a proper amount of games and music - as well as by a PS2 that unfortunately broke down after nearly nine to ten years of faithful service), a bike I could be riding, a video game system I could be working on (titled Daphne VGS (Video Game System); details coming up soon), two or three AP summer assignments I could be working on, a premiere party I could be organizing for the documentary - in essence, summer adventures I could be having.

Summer is a very dangerous time, thus, for teenagers. Because it's essentially a time you have to make yourself. School provides an itinerary that too many teenagers aren't able to develop during the summer - sure it involves sitting in class for 2 or more hours (less if you're lucky) but it incontrovertibly provides a sense of direction that can be very difficult to forge during summer. If you don't have a good set of activities to embark upon, you might be bored in your house to the point of mental rotting. On the other hand, too many activities and you might be doubly frustrated when you realize you can't be doing them all. Hell, when you have too many activities, the smallest period of inactivity makes you anxious because you know you should be getting ahead on that stuff you plan to do.

It's 3:00 AM, now, and what am I doing? None of the things described above! Why? Well, because ... I don't know why. I do know, however, that excitement and anticipation for all those activities I listed is only building up more and more as my body naturally calls for sleep, for some ZZZs. I'm gonna go try to satisfy its needs.

Thoughts During Summer - Pt. 1

Her Spirit

I'm writing this in appreciation of what one human being can do for another. May this inspire people my age. 

I have a very quirky friend that goes by the name of Amy. She's a small girl for her age - a sophomore in high school - with wonderful green eyes, a spontaneous demeanor, and long hair with conspicuously blonde highlights. She likes to jump around and say random things, like "Hello!" and "Weeeee!" and "I'm gonna stick it up YOUR ass!" in a manner worhty of putting in a Disney commercial; how cute it is. You talk to her and it's like talking to kid in elementary school - but she's smart, let me tell ya. In fact, her personality might as well be as complex as cracking the code to a bank's money safe. She's an odd apple - but a wonderfully eclectic and frisky (not sexually, boys) one at that. 

There's only one thing - she's only become this way as of recent. How was she before? The same way - only difference was that that darling energy and hyperactivity was hidden and sealed away beyond some invisible door. In fact, even though I knew she was like this in reality, it was only a few days ago that I noticed this sudden change for the best, this sudden explosion of what I figured to be repressed energy. It was at my school's drama show. She'd been at band rehearsals, I think, until about five in the afternoon, and the show was at seven. Why not stay for it, right? After all, the Drama magnet at our school always produces amazing performances. It was definitely worth the five dollar admission, I must say. She likely thought the same thing, prompting her to stay an additional four or five hours ('til about ten thirty) after her band rehearsals.

Anyway, that's not the point. Oh, tangents.

I was filming an interview after school, and so by the time me and the interviewee were done with our session, it was time for the drama show. We'd made plans to attend it for the same aforementioned reasons, and so after I met up with my other friends attending the show, I saw Amy. Immediately, i was surprised by a new wave of "spunkiness" that'd swept over her. She didn't just say hi, she sprang into action - literally - when me and my friends (also in Band with her) encountered her. This behavior continued through the night - during the show, whose audience got progressively boisterous as the performances got better and the clock kept ticking, my Band friends and I would applaud and cheer unnecessarily loud after each performance, which prompted Amy to continuously turn around and jokingly scream out English delicacies at us (we were sitting behind her). After the show, when it was ten thirty at night and we were all tired from an overly long day at school, she was the only one still jumping around and essentially doing cartwheels on the entrance steps.

Was she like this before? Why sure she was ... but there was a noticeable bit of extra spontaneity that'd become evident only as of recent. You know when you see someone, and it only takes a few minutes of conversation to realize that they've changed? That they've become noticeably happier, lighter in their step, higher in their jump, faster in their sprint? When they've transformed from a happy, fulfilled member of society, to a happy, fulfilled, energetic, optimistic, independent leader from society? Why did Amy suddenly turn this way? How'd she exponentially energize herself?

I think the answer is that she's found someone to trust, someone that makes her happy and provides her with unconditional positive regard. Her family and relatives of course provide her with this - but in adolescence, it's even better when someone like a boyfriend provides you this.

Yes - Amy has a new boyfriend, and his effect on her life couldn't have been more evident than during the night of the Drama show. I tip off my hat to you, Mr. Gold - you've done a wonderful little girl, a great humanitarian service. Good job. I'm happy for both of you guys. May love and happiness be with you forever.

Her Spirit

Why This Life - Avoiding Columbine

The school shooting at Columbine High School happened little over a decade ago, and the momentous nature of the massacre has earned it a spot on the list of mankind's greatest disasters. Lives were lost, but the lives that weren't lost, were changed. Never before Columine had anyone heard of something like a school shooting. A TIME Magazine article on the subject mentioned that before Columbine, students would often forget to leave their gun racks at home following a weekend of targeting practice or hunting with Dad. What would happen if you "forgot" to leave your gun rack at home today? You'd be considered a situation, you'd be expelled from school, you'd be checked out by a doctor.

I'm not going to narrate the events at Columbine - it's a story repeated too often. I'm instead going to discuss something worse - the possibility that Columbine could've been avoided. An old 60 Minutes presentation on the Tragedy of Columbine decided to focus, not on why Columbine happened, when, what, how. But instead, on that which didn't happen. That which could've been vital factors in preventing the massacre from happening. According to the presentation, the first police team to enter the school once 911 calls had rung and the news of the shooting had been dispatched to police did so after two hours after the shooting began. Two hours! There was been local police surrounding the school within five minutes of the first shot fired (and the first life lost), but it would only be two hours later that police deemed entering the school to be "safe". After a massive amount of policemen, SWAT team members, police vehicles, and vans had assembled outside and in the vicinity of the school, all waiting around for orders from the local police authority while innocent kids were being shot inside the school by the two adolescent perpetrators. How could this have happened? An interviewee on the show who had knowledge of the police commands and operational orders given during the massacre spoke with the host of the presentation, but when asked why the SWAT team, why the police, why anyone didn't go in as soon as possible, as soon as shots were fired - she conspicuously denied and essentially pleaded the fifth to, everything. It's terrible! How could this have happened? Why were lives lost that could've been saved?

I can do nothing but mourn the lives lost. I cannot criticize the actions of the Columbine police department beyond the concepts of common sense. It's unfair to think that policemen are all daring heroes ready to lose their lives by diving headfirst into a massacre. They didn't know how many shooters were inside. It could've been two teenagers, it could've been a terrorist army. Could they have known? Did they know? Nobody knows. We cannot criticize that which we have little to no knowledge of. That's a principle of life. We're only left with questions. Not about why the police didn't go in. Not about why the response was so slow. But instead why the criminals responsible for the massacre did what they did. Believe it or not, the Columbine shooters were both friendly, socially competent, good-looking teenage boys, with happy parents at home, lots of friends at school. Their personalities weren't the warning signs - there were more conspicuous ones available, that no one cared to look at. The boys had created a website where they listed the schematics for the pipe bombs they would use, a hit list of the people they would kill, a schedule outlining in what order they would carry out their deed. People knew about these boys' activities and desires too - they'd told some of their friends what they planned to do, but everyone dismissed it as being a joke, or simply as being a lie. If today you hear someone telling you, "hey, look at this list of the people I'm gonna kill." What would you do? Would you tell someone? Would you stay quiet out of fear? It depends. What you would do is think that there's something bad going on. The concept of a school shooting was not one that existed at the time Columbine happened - it had never happened before! People did not think that someone with such a good personality and such a high degree of social competence would be seriously planning a school shootout; that they would kill their own classmates. Now, when we see these warning signs, we have that thought, that possibility, in our mental repository.

Thinking that the same mindset was present back in 1999, is called having hindsight bias - that past events were more predictable than they really were at the time. It's unfair ... what we can solidly take away from Columbine is a lesson on the complexity of the human mind. Could there be something wrong in my sociable best friend? Could they be plotting a school shootout? I can only hope not. Let's remain optimistic - it's the best thing we can do.

Why This Life - Avoiding Columbine