Pubin's Ally

Once upon a time - a very short amount of time, for thse things happen rather quickly - there was a protein named Pubin. Pubin Pits, actually, was his name. Pubin Pits was born in the hot and bothered mind of a high school student that took the suggestion of making a protein that would retract your pubic hair upon being sexually aroused, and decided to present it as his protein for a college-level biology project. How it got to Bendover, I've no clue. I mean, how else does a lonely protein make its way from the depths of a high school student's brain to the innards of a pelvic area cell? Go figure, but if you look at the historical context, you can get some clues.

Year One was the year that Jack Black and that other dude who's a lameo in all the Hollywood movies traveled throughout the early pre-Columbian cultures of the Middle East. Yeah, so Year One was fairly inconsequential. Year Two, however, was when Pubin somehow became the child of Will Cummings, a Eukaryotic ribosome business man who spent his time freelancing around the different endoplasmic reticuli. Cummings used to be very attached to his homeland of Anitabath, the most populous rough ER this side of the cytoplasm (which I might add, was dubbed by the local Golgiquois as "The Great Jell-O" back in the great Mitosis of Bored Oh, duke of Munster), and despite giving him a comfortable base to work from, his protein-synthesizing days became unhappy when he finally realized - by an epiphany, or something or other - that he was bound. That's right, bound. Chained down like a dog on a leash, except the leash is tied to a tree, next to a pole, on a street, atop the highway, next to an airport, up in the air! He couldn't take it anymore, and of course, he wanted to find a mate. A true mate. For years, he'd been dating multiple women, from the intelligent likes of Eye Spie to the roughhousing manners of Pleigh Me ... but even Will himself knew that these were ephemeral affairs, tpyical mRNA strands that wouldn't last more than half a millisecond. He was looking for something real, something special, something incredible, something that would give him purpose in life for a well-deserved split second. So, he did. He escaped Anitabath by some form of rebellion that his story's writer probably doesn't know about either, and lo and behold, he was free! Soon, he was the head honcho of the local cytoplasm beat,

Pubin's Ally